For LL in the UK
Having written previously about whether you have considered how different your life might have been if you had stayed with me, committed or whatever, I felt you might wish to consider something else.
That something else would/could have been the life you enjoyed …with me.
Imagine for a moment that you hadn't deceived me and hadn't gone behind my back with other men. Remember you accepted my engagement ring in 2004. Now, if you had truly committed then, things would have moved forward. Although you were unaware of it, I could easily afford a house in your area and still keep my old home in Norfolk and the apartment in London.
Every action has a consequence and your admission in March 2004 was the beginning of a whole set of consequences, for me and for you. I am sure you know enough about me now to realise that I landed, or had already landed on my feet, be that in terms of physical satisfaction, wealth, family or just plain old travelling.
The consequences for you were rather different weren't they and yet it was you that instigated the whole series of events. It is you that has ended up with the small, somewhat mundane life and with the small, but equally, not so small man. The holidays/vacations that lack imagination and those boring weekend trips over the border - suspended for now - are all part of the circumstances that you have lived ever since. You say you have a small family LL. You also have a small life. You again once said you could never be bored. In your shoes I would definitely be bored with your existence
You once said that I would leave you 'high and dry' if you had returned in early 2006. That is how you saw things and how you measure things...not me. I would never have done that, but you were judging me by your own much lower standards. You talked of it as being my 'revenge', but you were wrong again.
My revenge, as you called it, came and has come in two forms. First of all, I started to hedge my bets with you based on two things. The first being your admission to seeing that Spanish named American in Oxford when you told me you were visiting Rugeley. The other thing was your refusal to commit. Those two events, or non event in the case of the latter, led me to seek out other women. I was incredibly successful. That was my first form of what you called my 'revenge'.
The second has been my life ever since then. I don't need any sort of revenge and I didn't. The difference between where you are and where you might have been, is enough for me. I guess for you, it is a source of profound regret. As you said yourself. you always took the wrong decisions and you surely made a bad one when you did what you did.
You might have been living here, enjoying the use of some superb cars, enjoying homes around the world, the use of a private jet and I guy who once loved you for who you might have been.
The rest of the stuff that I did in 2006 was not revenge, it was to teach you a small lesson.
So, here I am in Hawaii and there you are, not able to travel and if you are honest with yourself not having travelled that much at all in the last fifteen years. Over here, Mexico, Oz and Goa is but a fraction of what I have done in the same period. I didn't mention your many tips to Spain as they strike me as totally boring and just a booze and food fest with some sun thrown in.
That will do for now, but I'll be back with some further thoughts maybe and other blogs.
Here on the islands - the Hawaiian ones - life is very, very good. Great seafood, fresh pineapples straight from farm to table and all manner of 'goodies'. Enjoy your...existence.
Ciao
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